Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
