We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
