Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
