Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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