You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He has the fingertips of a God
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