I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize