New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
