Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
