Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize