I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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