and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
