You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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