I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
