Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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