two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize