the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
