I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
