I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize