My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
