Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
