ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
