He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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