i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
