i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
