she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
