mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
