I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just had sex on a roof
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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