Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
