If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize