You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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