i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
