i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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