You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
