the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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