i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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