his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
