What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
