I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
