Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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