you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
