Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
