he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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