WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
