If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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