i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
