I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
