I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
