My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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