There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I did not marry a roomba.
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