I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
