so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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