My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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