does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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