guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
