Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
