So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
