Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
