what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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