I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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