yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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