I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
