she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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