I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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