I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
