I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
