fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
