i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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